I should probably start by caveating what I’m about to say with a few things.
- Nobody is perfect
- When we know better, we need to do better
- This is a judgement free zone
Now we’ve got that out the way, let me begin…
I often get emails or messages asking me about the ‘maternity coaching’ that I offer. Now, the Charlotte of 2018 would see no issue with that. My zone of expertise and where I added value was helping people return from maternity leave. A message like that would have been dreamy.
However, a lot has changed and I think we actually need to be positively challenging ourselves and language like this. Because here’s the thing – there are several routes to parenthood, and they don’t all start and end with maternity.
I think it’s incredibly important that we support women returning from maternity leave. It’s the reason Power of the Parent® was created. But it needs to co-exist with supporting any parent, whatever their journey has been shaped by.
Maybe you feel like you’re shying away from conversations about how to help people return from adoption leave or surrogacy leave for example. Perhaps it’s a world you don’t feel you know enough about, and I get it. When I first started coaching returners or running workshops I didn’t think I’d be relevant for everybody. Without first hand experience of these routes to parenthood why on earth would they want to work with me?
But that was completely the wrong, and quite frankly an inflated, view to carry. About a year into running the business, I spoke with some parents who had returned from adoption leave at one of my clients. I was really open with them. Yes, I wanted to help, but was I offering the right thing? I didn’t want to offend anybody or try to put myself in anybody else’s shoes in an inauthentic way.
And these are things I’m starting to hear more openly from organisations when I ask them why they’re only talking about supporting ‘maternity returners’. There’s a nervousness to get something wrong, or miss somebody out. Totally understandable, but not a reason to do nothing.
You don’t have to get really elaborate or overthink anything right now, but here are some ideas to help you on your merry way if you’re reviewing how inclusive you’re being and the language you’re using:
- When you’re referencing maternity in policies (and any kind of communication to be honest), where do you need to add other forms of parental leave? Adoption leave, surrogacy leave, shared parental and equal parental leave could all feature (some will be policy dependent).
- If you’re offering parental leave transition support through things like workshops and coaching, are your invites inclusive?
- How are you upskilling your line managers? Language matters and if anybody isn’t feeling confident in how to approach conversations, this is a strong step in getting the basics right.
- What feedback have you garnered from your brilliant employees? It’s time to hear the lived experiences. This way, you’re not second guessing or throwing sh*t at a wall to see what sticks. You’re going to hear the live realities of experiencing different routes to parenthood and what impact that has in the workplace.
To sum up…
We don’t want to erase any type of parental leave being talked about. And my word have we got a long way to go to eliminate the motherhood penalty. But we do want to create workplaces where if someone finds a way to grow their family, whatever route that may be, it’s supported and not an afterthought (or no thought at all).
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