Power of the Parent 15: S6 Ep15: Engagement During Parental Leave

1. Things change (and why we need to acknowledge that)
2. It’s a two way conversation (nobody has to have 100% of the answers)
3. No surprises (this comes with some real life examples of what not to do)

 Hello and welcome to Power of the Parent, the podcast. This series is a new format and we are going to be focusing on a different topic each week, bringing you three things you need to know about whatever that may be, mainly from an employer perspective. But of course there’s plenty of reframing that parents could do to benefit from the content as well.

We will be covering everything from parental leave transitions, managing boundaries, what to do when your talent pipeline looks a bit dodgy, tips on gathering feedback, and things like establishing parental support networks.  So, let’s dive in. 

Hello, and welcome back to the next episode of Power of the Parent, three things you need to know about. And in today’s episode, we are going to be talking about engagement during parental leave, any form of parental leave. Because I do think that this is a topic that can sometimes feel a bit like a dark art. How do we make sure that we’re not coming on too strong, but also what if we therefore then look a bit aloof?  The dating metaphors could probably flow thick and fast here, and it really isn’t that kind of situation. So let’s have a look at three things you need to know about great engagement while someone is physically away from the business. 

So first of all, things change. Number two, it’s a two way conversation. And number three, no surprises. 

So let’s dive into the first point. Things change. Now, essentially, this is a huge act of reassurance. Imagine being a parent and you’re going into your leave, whatever form that may be, and you’re thinking that you’re going to be wanting a particular setup when it comes to contact and keeping in touch. 

Maybe you’re convinced you’re going to want weekly updates, or perhaps you’re adamant that you don’t want to hear from your team until like the month before you’re returning  and then reality hits. And actually seeing that weekly update email land is driving you wild or you’re willing your phone to ring and it be someone from your work giving you  the scoop on  how a particular project is going. 

Perhaps, like me, you were clear on wanting to use Keep in Touch Days and then you found yourself with a baby who refused to take a bottle until she was 10 months old. So the idea of venturing into an office left you a hot mess.  The reality is things change. And when we’re preparing for, or we’re on parental leave, our thoughts and feelings can shift.

It’s not about good or bad. It’s about reassuring someone it’s okay if their communication and engagement preferences change. And that doesn’t signal anything other than them needing to flex around their day to day.  Using this kind of language in conversations or any written communication could be a real game changer.

Just letting people know that things change and you’re talking to them today based on how they’re feeling right now. 

Secondly, it’s a two way conversation. Line managers often come to me feeling bereft because they don’t know what they should say or what they should be doing to keep people engaged. It starts to get complicated and convoluted when in reality, it can be incredibly simple. 

You don’t have to have all the answers as a line manager. You do, however, need to be part of the conversation. So assuming your valued team member will initiate everything when they’re ready is going to make it harder.  Proactively asking them if they’d like to come in for a team meeting, or if they have an idea on when they’d like to use a keep in touch day, or dropping a text to say, let me know if you ever fancy a chat or to meet up for a coffee sometime.

They are all things that keep it relaxed and get engaged and reminding someone they’re not forgotten. You can leave the ball in their court and, you know, let somebody know, I’m not putting pressure on, I just want to let you know that this is here.  You’re not going in with answers or a steely plan that must be followed. You’re just dealing with humans on a human level.

 And thirdly, no surprises. This one comes as a real life example from a number of clients I’ve worked with over the years. Examples of keep in touch days, phone calls, and coffee catch ups that weren’t given the billing that they needed. For example, one coaching client headed into the office for a keep in touch day. The arrangement had been pretty loose and they were expecting to spend the day shadowing the person who was keeping their seat warm whilst they were on adoption leave.  Within 15 minutes of being there, they were ushered into a meeting room with their boss and their boss’s boss to be informally told about a role coming up, which they’d like to promote my client into. 

Now, that might sound like a really positive place to be for lots of people, but here’s the thing with nuance. It isn’t always that straightforward.  It totally caught her off guard. They wanted at least a vague answer by the end of the day. Now, in any circumstance, that wouldn’t be a zone of comfort for a lot of us. It was a big change. And she had lots of questions, many of which were now suddenly flying through her brain. It wasn’t a gift. It should have been smoother, a more positive experience, but as it was, it felt panic laden and full of unknowns.

 On a slightly less dramatic note, I had it happen to me where I was having a catch up call with my line manager about three or four months before I was returning, and she started to push me for a return date and a working pattern there and then. And I felt really uncomfortable saying, I didn’t know, but also I really didn’t know, and I still had about a month before I needed to talk about it. I was there for the, how’s the team conversation and she was ready to sort my diary out.

 So they are the three things for this week. Hopefully you’re picking up what I’m putting down, which is channel a human approach, don’t assume, and don’t surprise people.

I’ll be back next week, talking about supporting a strong return.

  Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of Power of the Parent with podcast. If you have got a few spare minutes, who am I kidding? Of course you haven’t got a few spare minutes, but if you would like to choose to spend a few of your minutes  giving me any sort of review or rating, I would massively appreciate it.

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Until next time, take care.