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Power of the Parent 3: S2 Ep3: Roohi and Nida Mohiyuddin – Nupwr

Power of the Parent 3: S2 Ep3: Roohi and Nida Mohiyuddin – Nupwr

Roohi and Nida are educators, navigators of negative self talk, strengths advocates and believers that confidence shouldn’t be a privilege. They are the founders of Nupwr, an organisation dedicated to inspire, uplift and empower women.

We talked about the dynamics of being a parent, an educator, a business owner and what it’s like to work alongside your sister. Roohi and Nida generously share their thoughts on being heard, driving action and one of favourites – progress over perfection. We touched on confidence being a state not a trait, a reminder that emotions get to co-exist side by side, what sits behind feeling overwhelmed and the importance of learning from yourself.

You can find out more about Roohi and Nida, and the work they’re so passionate about over on Instagram @nu.pw.r or on their website www.nupwr.co.uk.

Episode Transcript

Charlotte Speak 0:06
Hello and welcome to Power of the Parent, the podcast. I’m your host Charlotte Speak, I’m a level seven CMI accredited coach, a strength scope Master Practitioner, Mental Health First Aider and talent consultant. And I’m also the face behind Power of the Parent. In this podcast, I’ll be speaking to parents in the workplace, some of them are in traditionally employed roles, others are running their own businesses. And we’re having conversations about life in general insights about being a parent and having a career and exploring the strengths that parenting has awoken for people, we will talk about things like the value that they’re bringing to the workplace, as well as my guests very generously sharing their personal stories and anecdotes about everything life can throw at us.

Hello, and welcome back to Power of the Parent, the podcast where today I am joined by two amazing women, sisters, no less. Roohi and Nida, Mohiyuddin. They are educators and co-founders of Nu(pw)R, which is a company based on the belief that everything a woman needs is within her, which I absolutely love. Their business is from a very personal place, so they have had their own experiences with things like negative self-talk, having real and perceived barriers and not being able to see their strengths and the value that they bring in the workplace. I absolutely love what you guys are about, and in particular, your line that you use that empowerment should not be a privilege. And I yeah, hard agree, absolutely hard agree with that. So I’m absolutely delighted to be talking to you both today. So let’s start, have I summed you up there? Is there anything that you would add?

Nida Mohiyuddin 1:53
So perfect, and we are also so excited to speak to you because we feel like the work you’re doing with parents and empowering parents, essentially, is just so amazing. And being parents ourselves, we understand exactly what you’re doing, because I think every parent’s experience is so unique yet we don’t talk about how different it is, so even when people talk about things like oh, are you ready for birth? This is what it’s going to be like, it’s so different for every single person. But I think essentially the struggles together as mothers, I think it’s very, very similar.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 2:36
Also, to add on to that, I think sometimes we feel like being a parent is our only role and we think Power of the Parent, there is so much more to that and sometimes we have to put things aside, but no, we can go back to who we were before and use that even though we do have a new role becoming parents. [Yeah.] So that’s an amazing reminder that you have, sometimes we do need a bit of help, we do need a bit of like, [encouragement] encouragement. But the empowerment again, it’s a similar thing where the empowerment is there within you, you know, looking and seeking and taking it out and using it.

Nida Mohiyuddin 3:09
Yeah, definitely.

Charlotte Speak 3:11
And for the benefit of the listeners, because we’re not going to see the video, although I can see you, just so that everybody can get used to the two different voices. Do you want to just introduce yourself with your names so that we can pick up who is who.

Nida Mohiyuddin 3:25
Of course. Okay, so I’m Nida and this is…

Roohi Mohiyuddin 3:28
I’m Roohi. Yeah. So that’s the difference.

Charlotte Speak 3:30
You can hear the difference. [Okay, perfect.] So we first spoke a few months ago now, didn’t we? And you were setting up and you shared your journey with me about how you had been, well you still are educators, but the experience that you had had and how much that had informed your business? And [yeah] you’ve got a wonderful array of children between the two of you as well and that’s obviously heavily influenced what you do, and we will come on to kind of the parent side of it. But what have these last kind of few months been like for you as you’ve been setting up Nu(pw)R? Like, how is it? How’s it been working?

Nida Mohiyuddin 4:13
Where do we begin? You know, it’s such a journey. But I think the best thing is having someone to go through it with.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 4:22
Of course, 100%.

Nida Mohiyuddin 4:23
And even though we are both so different, we have and have had different experiences, even though we’re sisters. It’s been just so nice to have that support system in place. And I think even with our business, it’s all about giving women a support system. And I think it’s giving that space of voicing things because as soon as you voice things, you give back control and power to yourself with genuine belief in the power tool.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 4:49
And also just as important is being heard. So we’re here to hear you. So even for example, if we’re going to something just having someone hear what I have to say, you just feel like oh, do you know what now, what can I do to take control, I’ve voiced it, someone’s heard it. Now we need to go into the next steps.

Nida Mohiyuddin 5:06
And so a lot of our programmes, especially the barrier one, is all about working on progression, not perfection. And that’s something that we have really had to really embrace, because in order to preach it, you have to embrace it and, you know, [practise it] yep. So what we do is we use all these types of tools and techniques to make sure that even if we’re having a bad day, and sometimes we do, and we believe that confidence and empowerment isn’t a stagnant state, like you will have days of low confidence, we just remind ourselves, okay, even in this last week, look how far we’ve come. And that’s so important. And I think like, it’s something that we embed in our own children about, when they have those moments of I can’t or, you know, they have those meltdown moments of, I really can’t do this, I’m so bad at it, we’re like, but look how much you have shown that you can do, and look how far you’ve come.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 6:00
And with that, you notice that sometimes it’s the smallest steps that are more profound, or important, rather than reaching towards the end goal. Because only when you look back, you’re like, oh, my God, all those little things helped me where I am now. But they’ve also taken me where I am now. Yeah, so it’s, again, constant reminders. Even with us, we’re struggling with certain things, but like, but we’re not in the same mindset, because we’ve moved on so much. That’s very important.

Nida Mohiyuddin 6:24
That is so important. You’re so right.

Charlotte Speak 6:28
And I mean, the dynamic between you two is incredible. And I saw it when we first spoke, and obviously now again, and you are the queen of reels are the queen’s of reels I should say. [Aw, thank you!] Because again, like seeing the two of you interact together, I think, there’ll be lots of people that are listening that aren’t running their own businesses and I think sometimes it can therefore, kind of, don’t necessarily resonate with some of the messaging that can come out from some of the people that I speak to, because it is very much people often running their own gigs. But I do think a lot of what you’re sharing does resonate for a more kind of employed life as well. Because that kind of feeling of having somebody there to spur you on to encourage you to remind you of your messaging and why you’re doing what you’re doing is so important, no matter where you are in the world and what you’re doing, isn’t it. And I think that’s something that comes across from you two very beautifully that it is about, you couldn’t live your values more, I don’t think, in the way that you seem to be operating. And obviously what you’re trying to achieve with Nu(pw)R.

Nida Mohiyuddin 7:50
But I think it was because the company was started because of what we needed for ourselves. [100%] We needed encouragement, we needed to remember how confident we were, we needed to empower ourselves. And all the steps that we have taken were for ourselves first and from that we created our programmes.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 8:09
I think it’s so funny because my sister always says that children are at the peak of their confidence. And they’re so much more likely to experiment and be themselves and not worry so much, even though children do worry, and they have things that they need to overcome and worry about. But I think for us a big journey was we looked back and said, do you know what, I remember that I was at my peak at this point in my life, how do I get back there and what experiences shaped me from then on that I needed to address that maybe I wasn’t addressing, [or we were neglecting] we were neglecting. This company came about where even though we’re so close as a family, and we’re so close knit, we stopped talking about things that were going on in our lives, because we were trying to be strong for other people. And not really being, thinking we were being strong for ourselves by being strong for other people. And I think we’re so proud of the fact that our company was founded on just one really vulnerable, very long phone call, where we were like, mm, I didn’t realise you’re going through similar things. And why have we not been talking about it?

Nida Mohiyuddin 9:14
And that’s because when you feel like you’re going through a problem, when you don’t talk about it, you feel very alone, because you feel like there’s no one else that can understand what I’m going through. [Yeah, yeah] and everyone’s issues are unique but when you talk through things, there are so many things that resonate. There are so many things that are familiar and the feeling that we only have a limited amount of feelings. You know, we can all like, we will understand if someone feels sad or scared or vulnerable. But how we get there is unique, but sharing that with you know, we can only help each other once we share that because we’re like, okay, I know how you’re feeling because I felt something similar somehow. Now how do we move on from this?

Roohi Mohiyuddin 9:52
Yeah, what do we need to do to get back to how we want to feel and also really understanding that we’re not always going to feel good. That was really powerful for us. Because we thought being happy was always being happy and that’s just not true. And also understanding that the moment you learn more about yourself is, you can understand how to overcome those bad days quicker somehow, like you understand, okay, I’m feeling anxious right now, what does that mean? How do I sit in this feeling? How do I let the waves of it pass? And what does it mean? And it’s just understanding?

Nida Mohiyuddin 10:26
And more importantly, where is it sitting?

Roohi Mohiyuddin 10:28
Yeah, 100%?

Nida Mohiyuddin 10:29
You know, it’s really important to understand that if I’m feeling a certain way, what is it teaching me about myself, about my situation, about what I need to do? And we feared those, we’re like, how can we avoid it? But now we realise that they’re very important. You know, you do and you sometimes sit and just well in it to be able to overcome it, to understand it better.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 10:47
And it’s weird, because that’s so true, what you just said, because being educators, we’re always learning. And it’s really important that we were always learning about things that were so easy to learn that had a formula or had a certain step or guide. But when it came to, when it came to emotion, that was so much harder to learn from.

Charlotte Speak 11:07
I think the whole conversation around emotions is really huge. Like, understandably, just by the very nature of it, it’s very complex… There’s a level of simplicity as well but there’s a lot of complexities to it aren’t there? Yeah, there’s that many levels. That’s probably another podcast. One of the things that I personally have been on a journey on, and have then talked a lot with clients on is this idea of emotions can co-exist, so you can feel sad and happy at the same time, you can, and I know that they’re two really basic ones, you can feel a plethora of different things all in one go. And there’s pros and cons to that, like, don’t get me wrong, sometimes I really wish I was the house plant and I didn’t feel all of those things. But I think that’s something that I have had to navigate but I have had to help clients navigate it as well and I’m guessing, based on the content of your workshops, and the work that you guys do, that’s gonna be similar as well. It isn’t about kind of suppressing and invalidating and almost kind of gaslighting yourself to say, no, you shouldn’t be feeling like that. Or, no, you’re not feeling like that, because you’re feeling like this or all of those things, because there’s enough in the outside world telling you what’s wrong with those co-existing feelings isn’t there. But that’s, I think, a huge topic and I see it a lot with parents returning to work that they feel so torn between; ‘Okay, so I feel I feel really nervous’ and I’m going to be a real cliche with what I’m about to say, but, for example, they might say things like, I feel really nervous. I feel really guilty. I feel very anxious about going back and leaving my child with somebody else, but at the same time, I also feel really excited, I really can’t wait to get back. And all those things or inversely, I’m really excited to leave my kid and I really miss being in the workplace, who knows. So that’s something that I think is not talked about enough and when you say it to people, they go, oh, my God, yes. Or yeah, of course, I know that and that totally resonates but until you sometimes say it to people, it’s like, yeah, just.

Nida Mohiyuddin 13:34
And also, how we receive them. Because we all react to things differently. I mean, we went to a mental health first aid course for youth and they were talking about how our animalistic instinct when we reach stressful situations, either fight, flight or freeze. And then suddenly it’s like a lightbulb but when hang on a sec, that’s me, I freeze, and I never knew how to put the word to that, so although like, it’s complex as it is, as you’ve said, but at the same time, the way we receive them, they’re different ways of receiving that also. And I think as educators, because we were very interested in the different learning techniques that children adapt, and how they learn. So that’s how, like, we created activities that were…

Roohi Mohiyuddin 14:16
Education based with different learning styles.

Nida Mohiyuddin 14:19
Yes, exactly. That’s what I was going to say. Because we all receive things differently, we all react to the same things differently as well. So it is, I mean, it can be very simple, but at the same time, it can get very complex,

Roohi Mohiyuddin 14:31
And also the understanding that every child was an individual learner that needed individual, you know, everything had to be catered for that different learning styles or where they’re at. Because it’s easy to say that they all need to learn a certain subject but they all learn so differently. And coming back to what you said with emotions, I think a lot of times I say and I find my children say back to me, I’m overwhelmed. And I think sometimes that can seem as if it’s just one feeling this overwhelmed, but it’s the very nature of I’m feeling too much of too many different things. And then it’s like, okay, so let’s break it down of why I’m feeling this and what exactly I am feeling.

Nida Mohiyuddin 15:11
And what you said as well, like when we say everything a woman needs is within her. It’s because even as educators, we’ve been taught that we are not teachers, we are simply guides, and children are learners, and they need, how can they learn themselves? And that comes from our course as well? Like, how can you help yourself because you know yourself better than anybody else does. We have all these tools and tips, but which one works best for you? It’s something that we need to pick up. Because sometimes I think what happens is, we sit there and we’re like, I feel a certain way, who do I ask for help? Or what do I need to do? Those are two separate things. Yes, you should look for help, but what can you do for yourself, and we need access to that, we need to be able to have that conversation, there is a lot we can do for ourselves. But I think sometimes we just, either we feel ashamed to talk about it or we just again, like you said, overwhelmed with too many things to take that step for ourselves.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 16:01
And then we feel helpless and then it’s like this cycle, isn’t it. So just, I think the biggest thing that we want from our business is having a platform for women to feel like they can talk and to share vulnerable experiences. Because we feel that the more we share our own experiences, because now we’re comfortable with it, because we’ve dealt with the stinky feelings underneath, people are more open to relate to that and then speak out without feeling that shame or fear. And that’s really powerful.

Nida Mohiyuddin 16:02
Also, the more we talk about certain issues, we realise that there’s a lot that we’ve internalised that was a projection of other people’s emotions. And we forget that even we talk about the inner critic is so important, because there are so many things that have been said around us, to us when we’re children that we’ve internalised. [Yeah.] So how do we relearn? Or how do we get rid of what we don’t need and use what we do need?

Roohi Mohiyuddin 16:56
And then to differentiate what’s coming from us? And what’s coming from people around us? [Yeah.] Don’t know if we just said too much there.

Charlotte Speak 17:05
No, it was brilliant and I think it leads to a really important discussion around perspective and beliefs. And often, I find that I’m having to unpick, kind of with clients’ beliefs around the way that they work as in full time, part time, flexibly, all the different ways. Because there’s been a belief put upon them about what that signals, depending on how many hours you work, or I guess some of the societal messages around the motherhood penalty. All of the things that are cliches for a reason, because they have caused us problems for decades now. That’s something that you have to really navigate and I, knowing what I know of your content and the sessions that you guys lead, that must be part of the, that’s a leading question, but it must be in there. But I mean, surely it comes up for lots of us, although we don’t necessarily, perhaps we don’t identify it in the same way but kind of that wake up call of why am I believing this? Why am I thinking this? And who is, where does this come from? I totally get that our belief systems are founded upon our upbringing, the people around and all that kind of stuff. And I say this to, I’ve got much younger sisters, who were like in their early 20s, there’s a big age gap. And I’ve had longer kind of away from home with different inputs into my world, they’re kind of just fresh out of uni, and are starting to have different informed choices and their belief systems are starting to be reshaped, because they’re having different exposures and different experiences. But at the point where we as in you and then maybe the work that I do, at the point where we’re working with people, they’re often in a really vulnerable place. Because all of this stuff has been shaken like your belief system, or what’s important to you, or somebody’s giving you a dodgy piece of feedback, and you’re really questioning who you are, that they come to us at a stage where they really need help and support and you’re sometimes having to, I guess hold up a bit of an uncomfortable mirror at times to say, you know, where does that belief come from? Are you saying that because you think that or because that’s…

Roohi Mohiyuddin 19:38
X, Y and Z?

Charlotte Speak 19:40

Nida Mohiyuddin 19:40
Sometimes I’d say it’s like generational conditioning, you know, because it was taught a certain way. And we’re like, okay, but are we taking in what was imprinted on us a generation ago because things change like we need to be up to date, but I think when it comes to the older generations, where change was not seen as a good thing, so it was imposed as this is how we were brought up, this is how you need to be brought up. Whereas I’m thinking, my children need to see things from their own perspective. And you know, how much things changed where I need to adapt what I’m telling them, because it can’t just be what I’ve been told. [Yeah.] And yeah, there’s a lot to take on from that.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 20:19
I think each time we come on these courses with women, it’s not only what we give back to them, I think we learn something about ourselves every single time. And it’s really powerful when they say something like, oh, wow, I didn’t even think about that. And so even just sharing our stories, or even when we talk about the inner critic, we go through the people around you that are the most influential that maybe have said something that you’re carrying, and you don’t even realise it. And a lot of people, that’s an eye opening moment for them, where they’re like, actually, that is so true. And I don’t know why I’m doing that. And even just the sense of you could get 1000 compliments and great feedback but I think as humans, we tend to hold on to that one. [Yeah, critical points.] The negative one, because it hurts differently maybe. And I think that’s something that we go deeper under and then even with barriers. So we’d first do talk about inner critic, which is our biggest barrier but I think even when we’re doing work with barriers, a lot of women do say that their biggest barrier is themselves. It’s not even the outside influences or things that are holding back. It’s just their thoughts about can I, will I. It’s all that self doubt that goes on.

Nida Mohiyuddin 21:32
Because even external barriers, okay, fine, you have external barriers. That are not, obviously you haven’t created, but it’s you that has to overcome them. So what kind of mindset do you need to be into? And what ways? What opportunities will you create for yourself to overcome those barriers?

Roohi Mohiyuddin 21:48
Yeah, so that’s a lot of things that are quite tough, because then it opens up our own thinking of what barriers we have overcome, but we still kind of need to.

Nida Mohiyuddin 21:57
Yeah and also, like, again, we can only fall back on ourselves, you know, and I think women, sometimes we forget that, you know, like, I am holding myself back, where if I do need to get something, I need to step up and say, no, I’m not going to take that anymore, or I need to make that move to make myself better and be where I need to be.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 22:18
And the funny thing is, I could say this from a lot of women I know. And the experiences I’ve had is that women are just naturally so strong. They are very strong beings, but they’re so much stronger for everyone else around them in terms of getting things done, when it comes to themselves. They won’t give that fully and freely.

Nida Mohiyuddin 22:38
It’s again, that when people say self care is not being selfish, but that’s how we see it.

Charlotte Speak 22:44
Yeah, absolutely. I think that there’s such a huge conversation in the inner self care side of stuff and also the word around guilt. Just going back to the emotions conversations that we were having before. That’s a huge one that comes up in my world. You two are nodding furiously as well. But it does, doesn’t it and I think I spend a lot of time reframing guilt, not diminishing how it feels, but saying, is it functional or dysfunctional? Is it there and for a reason, is it trying to tell me something? Like I want to change how I’m working? Or I want to switch up how I’m being with the kids or something like that? Or is it dysfunctional? Absolutely doing bob all? And actually like I can’t do anything with the guilt that somebody else might put on my doorstep or that I might make… There are elements of guilt that you can’t do anything about? I think, so yes. It’s a bit of a reframe. So we’re going into, like Q4. I’ve seen so many social media posts about September and fresh starts, and what are you going to achieve in the last however many days of the year and all that kind of side of stuff, which is good, it’s definitely good to have some focus. However, let’s just you know, we’ll dial back the pressure a little bit, but what are you hoping to happen? And what would you love to see happen over the next few months before the end of the year, at your own pace.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 24:24
At our own pace. We really believe in a very organic journey, just because this whole journey has been so organic and we’ve loved that and.

Nida Mohiyuddin 24:37
We’ve made so many changes that we never expected but because of like, yeah that organic change that different ways we have to move like, okay, where we are is very different to what we expected to be at the beginning.

Roohi Mohiyuddin 24:49
And that doesn’t say, that doesn’t mean it’s like a, it sounds so lovely doesn’t it, organic? Sometimes it’s things that’s imposed on you, like, oh, gosh, I gotta fix that, all of that. We still are really excited to work with our first client base that are women in a company, because that’s where we want to reach out, and really put our work in. Because we do believe women at work have so many barriers, and they have so much inner critic that if they addressed it, I’m sure everyone’s working at it, it would really help them so much, [and help them flourish.] So we do a lot of mini courses right now, which has been our testing phase. So just to make the programmes better and better, which it has done and we’re so grateful for that. So we do lots of mini courses and introductions to our courses that have really, really helped women and the feedback has been so brilliant, that it’s really helped us remember in those moments where our own inner critic creeps in how amazing the content is, because we’re so proud of it. But I think, yeah, our goal is to hit that first client base within a corporate company, which is what we’re hoping to do.

Charlotte Speak 26:03
Amazing. So I know that there are going to be people listening that want to come and find out more about what you do and get to know you two wonderful people as well. So where’s best to come and find out more about what you do at Nu(pw)R.

Nida Mohiyuddin 26:18
So, I think the best place to go is our website, which is www.nupwr.co.uk. But in terms of getting to know us more, and to understand what our content offers, I’ll definitely go onto our Instagram page, because we are doing short reels, and we’ve got some, we’ve rehauled our content for the next month or so, so we’re really excited about that. [Changing our style up a bit.] Yep, and our handle is Nu(pr)R, which is nu.pw.r. So do come, leave comments, and we’d love to hear from people.

Charlotte Speak 26:50
Amazing, and I will put all of those links into the show notes so that you can very easily go and find out more about the amazing work that you two are doing. So thank you so much for joining me on today’s episode. It has been a pleasure to talk to you and I know that we’re going to see you go from strength to strength and keep having some of the most amazing and empowering conversations. So thank you for everything that you’re doing.

Nida Mohiyuddin 27:17
Thank you for having us.

Charlotte Speak 27:20
Take care. Thanks very much for tuning in to Power of the Parent, the podcast. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please rate, review and subscribe. And if you could tell all your friends about the podcast that would be wonderful. If you’d like to get in touch you can find me on Instagram just search Power of the Parent. See you next time.

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